Many people do not find it appealing anymore, to marry for ‘ church’, and say vows we do not feel in the heart (written by someone else). To sign a ‘contract’ for an institute, we are not even commited to. This is also a time, we set our own ‘ vows’. Commitment is not about a ring and a contract, and to promise someone all kind of things, you do not even know/intend to come ‘ true’. So people search for alternatives, because when we are , in fact, crazy in love, we want to share everything with this other person.
I did it so many times, in my life. I fell in love, I gave my heart & soul for the commitment. If I fall in love, and after that, really love someone, I am ready to share everything I know, feel, see, and own. In all dimensions. I learned a lot on my way. I learned that when I see a man is not true to himself, and does not want to live with heart & soul, and feel ‘ feelings’, I have to run. Really run. I also know, that when a man is on self-destruction path (that is not the same as a depression), I cannot help him. Because he will empower me so much, I get sick and need years to heal my heart. When I feel restless, I do not trust him, I feel like crying, feel so lonely, tired, and I worry all the time: I know now to listen to my gut-feeling, and cut all the cords. Because my gut-feeling is telling me the truth: I am not safe in this ‘ connection’. I also know, that I cannot ever make anyone LOVE me, I cannot force the cosmos, I cannot force a man who is not ready, I cannot let him ‘ see me’, if he is not willing to do so himself. For everything is a place and time. And I cannot change someone’s feelings, and I cannot ‘ make it work’, when it has already been broken, and the other person is not intended to fight for love. It takes two to Tango, It is a lover’s dance…
A man that does not want to be in his power, mission, strength, self-worth, or wants to commit to himself, wil NEVER commit to you.
I learned who I am, I learned what I need to shine, bloom, blossom and stay strong in a world, that has so many challenges. I learned how to be a strong woman, and how to make a man powerfull and strong, and how to love in a way that makes him stronger, not weaker.
Your reflection- Meeting yourself
When you find someone, who is true to his own soul, who has taken all the time, to find out his own pains, heals himself, and got the strenght to get out of it, and is true to what he ‘feels’- (not thinks)… He is able to commit to you. He needs to be true to his ESSENCE. And that takes wisdom, soul searching, falling down and standing up. When I (you) are commited to yourself, because you have seen the darkest places, and the light, all in one inside you, you are able to ‘ see’ your reflection in someone else.
When you feel a partner is living from the heart, and loves himself, you will not have a fear-based relationship. Your partner can be in a room with 20 beautifull other people, they can travel the world without you, you can let him have thousands of facebook-friends, you just have ‘ rest’, because you know the commitment is from the heart. It is a divine connection. You both have rest/stillness and calmth, NOT a fear. You can have your own travel, your own path, and yet…. You know the path of your loved one, is right next to yours. You can sit back, and breathe. It just all falls into pieces. When you have peace and rest with a partner, it is, because you feel you can trust this person. And you know you can trust yourself.
Marriage and having no heart-connection
The reason I see so many church marriadges ‘ break’, is because it is not a relationship based on a heart connection. It is not based on a true soul-travel. It is based on outside factors as social standards, money, safety searched outside yourself, and a longing that the other person makes you feel something, that you couldn’t find in yourself. When the other person cannot give you any ‘ self-love’, you start searching, again. When all the outer social standards do not work for you anymore, the marriadge is based on ‘ air’. People cheat, lie, hurt each other in marriadges.Most people have no idear what self-love is. What it is to feel safety INside themselves. When you are able to give yourself attention, soul-food, love, fullfillment, You do not need to find it in outside attention. Not the attention I mean, what a lot of people do when they are not satisfied in their relationships. It starts all by loyalty towards your heart & soul, from that one, you will not HARM or disrespect yourself. You know your own worthy, you know your own borders. You know you own energy. From this on, you cannot disrespect your partner. The journey starts with meeting Yourself.
When you energetically ‘involve’ and connect with someone else, you cannot even cheat and lie. Because you could never do this to yourself, because it would harm yourself. And you just cannot even do this, when you continue in being pure. Fear and pain dissolve when you connect in the heart. Also the desire to look ‘outside’ yourself, or to look and find/date/touch other persons, beside your partner. You find it already in YOU, and in your lover’s connection.
A YES to travel together
A Marriage, can be ‘ arranged’ in so many ways. You can make it official for other humans, in so many ways. But a spiritual, divine and soul-connected ‘ YES’ to each other, is a YES to you. It is a YES to travel together, in a spiritual humanly, earthly rollercoaster. It is pure, it is timeless, it is without words, without fears, without hurting each other, without rules, without empowering each other, without a time schedule. It is in peace, in warmth, in growth, in deep understanding, in wisdom, in sacrecy.
Be true to yourself- and find a partner who is true to Hisself.
That is (self) Love
Written by Leda de Zwaan.- Enlighteningmedia.com
For more information about self-love, meeting yourself, soulmates, twinsouls, relationships, attracting love: please click on ‘ enlightening coaching’.